Handling Love

I actually have Ee Lin to thank for. If it wasn't for her wedding and I having to MC, I would not have been that motivated, in the midst of the monsoon, to flatten the love handles.

I know I was getting a little bit flabby by November last year. It was raining nonstop and I just wasn't motivated enough. Now that the train has started, I am more determined to look good in front of my secondary-school friends. LOL. Vanity is one of my many middle names (amongst them, fabulous).

How to wear confidence confidently on my sleeves? Work hard... that's the only answer to everything.

Sensitivity

I wish Sheldon had just invented or come up with the coefficient of sensitivity of human's emotional perception.

Just had an argument with a friend, and of course I was being called too sensitive. I don't think there's anything wrong with being sensitive. In today's world, everyone needs to be empathetic - to family, friends, strangers and the environment.

What started of the argument was a discussion of calling someone a man. What is a man and what is not? I find it sad that we would call someone less of a man if he doesn't do something that you may see REAL MEN do. There comes my next pet hate, REAL MEN? Who are the real men? Arnold who has saggy boobs now? Osama who killed thousands? RuPaul - a drag queen? Does it mean when you are all muscled then you are more of a man than someone skinny, like Ghandi? Is there a definition somewhere? I doubt so. You know why - because it's all human nature.

Like killing, raping and all we classify as crime - they are all human nature. For that matter, all living creatures. We just have to accept that human are capable of all range of actions. There's nothing less or more human. Yes we can condemn and punish through arguments and voting, but is that very humanly also? Gathering power from majority and prosecute the minority?

The same argument goes to calling someone a real woman. Often you see large-sized women calling themselves the real women, when combating image problem against the stick-like women on the runway. Who are the real women? All of them are real. What is not real is in our mind - the fact that we are only accepting a certain criteria to be superior to others.

Perhaps there's no point of this post - because according to my argument, all are human nature hence therefore it's alright to be discriminating. Perhaps that is true, but fight for survival is even more all-encompassing than discrimination. Therefore for insensitive folks, if you want to sink to the UMNO level, then by all means....

I am in a very dark place today

Almond set me off this morning. Felt good whilst punishing her this morning. I had hated that dog for a long long time. Though I was left feeling something was still quite wrong.

Then I lost my temper again with Mom in the afternoon when teaching her Excel. I easily blew my temper. I just couldn't find an extra ounce of patience in me. I think Mom was very upset by my attitude she voice quivered. I dared not look at her and forced myself not to feel guilty. Mom must have been broken hearted that her son was so rude to her.

Then at home I lashed out at my brother again. I hit him with a shirt when I was folding laundry. He cried. My heart broke very quickly yet there's a part of me that disallowed me to show my emotions.

I am very unhappy. I don't know what else I will do or not do. Killing Almond is definitely one of the things top of my list.

How do I fix myself? I need to make things work. I need to.

KLIA

KL International Airport has been awarded "Best Immigration Service" in the World Airport Awards.

It is no surprise because if one's incoming record can be made mysteriously disappear off the official record whilst one's remain is found in the country somewhere in the jungle, KLIA definitely provides the best immigration service. For those who wish to have a Switzerland (not in the banking sense) in South East Asia, those who wish their identities to be masked completely, please please visit Malaysia and use KLIA (not bloody LCCT).

Or, if one has previously made a statutory declaration claiming serious allegation towards some government officials, and now one has allegedly fled the country, one's immigration details will not be found in KLIA's immigration database.

It really is that good.

Banana and Egg

You ask what's the connection? Thanks to Siang Chin, I was totally struck in awe when she told me this idea!

You know how we call Chinese who are westernised - banana - yellow on the outside, white on the inside.

See where I am going with this? An egg person, is a caucasian/white/westerner, who is totallyor inclinde to be yellow, i.e. Chinese, on the inside!

Some people are stupid, really...

I think I learn a lot from the Oprah Winfrey Show. Calling her a second Mother is really not an overstatement.

Apparently some Americans use paper plates for EACH AND EVERY MEAL they have. You wonder why the Chinese oppose that advanced countries like the US impose green energy restrictions on them. I remember when I was young, paper plates are only used when there's no water supply or when there was a party. They were, still are (in my family), considered sacred or treasured expensive items. 

It's obvious that using paper plates in such a way is wasteful, but it also shows a lack of education amongst people. We have come to an extent where material things come so easily that we don't appreciate things. I am no perfect too. But I think I have the right to condemn such wastage. I talked to my friend about this yesterday and he said we might have to think about the water used to clean plates. I did think about that but I think throwing away paper plates is more wasteful than washing plates. Just imagine how much energy has been used for a tree, the chopped down, processed and transported to stores; whereas a plate is made of clay then you reuse it infinitely many times. Water is also recycled more easily than growing a tree, I would imagine.

Talking about water - the Victorian Government has been asking Victorians to use less than 155l liters of water daily. I had been wondering about that until I received my latest bill. There are 3 in my apartment and we use 209 liters a day, which means less than 70 liters per person per day! That's even less than half of what is prescribed. I don't really understand why people take a long shower though - you get wrinkly skin? I mean, you can't wash away sin by splashing 20 litres of water on yourself.

I know the 70 liters consist of washing dishes, drinking water, washing laundry, shower and toilet. However it still daunts on me that I could easily splash 25 (roughly) bottles of 1-liter bottled water on myself daily. Why has the government never thought of such an advertisement to educate people from using water excessively. They could easily show the direct effect of "more wastage on shower, less water for drinking".

That brings me to bottled water - what's with this bottled-water drinking culture? What has happened to the good old boiling-water-n-a-kettle practice? If I remember correctly the statistics, million tonnes of plastic from bottled water are brought to landfill yearly. Millions!! Personally I can accept buying bottled water if you must, when you are outside. However, it totally overwhelms me when people have to do that when they are at home! Look at so many fridges in so many families, especially, from what I have seen, in the US, every fridge has bottled water! Let's not forget it's so easy to throw away unfinished water - that's another wastage. From family, moving on, to corporations - paper cups...

Some people are addicted to alcohol, some people are addicted to ice, some people are addicted to... papers.

Some people may not be stupid - they are ignorant.

compensated, indeed

Following my incident with the chips vending machine, I've received an apology letter from the company. It even came with a $3 postal order! I guess it's not bad at all!

it did happen

Sometimes one would think about certain things that would never happen to one. Not to say never, but with a low probability.

At least a couple of things happened to me today, which I had not envisaged to be so probable in one go.

So I was waiting for a train. Since I had not had lunch and I was hungry, I went to the vending machine for a bag of chips. After putting in the money, I waited for the packet to be pushed down the chute. It did, but just a little bit! Oh god... My $2.20!!!! I tried to shake the machine but it wouldn't move at all! I couldn't shake it like a mad man as there were people on the platform too! What I did next was even more there's-no-word-to-describe, I called up the vending machine company to complain! Guess what? They are sending me a money order of $2.20!!!!!!

On a hungry stomach I hurried into the train when it had arrived. The trains nowadays were very dirty; one had to look before one sit as the cushions would often be stained. Look I did. Except my vision was on the chairs but not on the floor! You might have guessed what happened next, yes, I stepped onto someone's puke!!!!!!!!!!! Yuck!! Luckily there wasn't much. I dared not even look at it properly. So the whole journey home, I held my leg out as further away from me as possible, despite the soreness. And I willingly breathed lightly so as not to take in any foul smell, albeit I doubt there was any.

The story could have ended there but it continued. I was buying bread at Coles. When I passed some coins to the cashier, she said that I had given her a New Zealand coin!!!!!!!!! Oh god.... the vending machine didn't only deny me my hungry-saving-but-bad-for-health chips, it also gave me a New Zealand coin!!! However now it wasn't worth it anymore to call and complain....

就是一个字 - 笨！

（一）馬來人不長進的反思
（二）一堂9250萬令吉的課

近来英国一所研究所发布最新大学排名，我国大学果然不负众望，名列后茅，排名每况愈下。这项消息来得正是时候，这跟马来西亚政府奢梦太空国互相辉映，好不讽刺。就先说一说这个太空梦，花了九千万打造一刹那光辉。九千万啊，可以建多少所华小、培训多少名医生护士……马来西亚连一所像样的太空研究所都没有，竟然有如夜郎般自大，要向世界宣布我们还有九千万块钱可以花。究竟这项海市蜃楼的壮举有些什么收益呢？我们是否要像外星人宣传马来西亚闻名银河系的马来糕？

拉伯就是不甘愿马哈迪的成就。当马哈迪在位时，我们建有吉隆坡塔、国油双子塔、雪邦第一方程式赛场。有什么可以高过世上数一数二的建筑物呢？又什么可以比天高呢？答案就是在外太空。拉伯还批评马来人不长进 - 他身为一国之首，想的做的都反映着他的无能及眷恋权势。当他国都在飞奔，为各国政、经、社及环境努力时，我国马来人还因为自己拥有拐杖而沾沾自喜。三年后马来西亚会把这一次后备太空旅客也送上太空，再花一次九千万、再花一次人民的血汗、再一次证明马来西亚政府的英明！三年后，恐怕我国大学连什么排名都挤不进去；三年后，如果那些马来钝剑还有用处的话，就用来砍香蕉树吧！

i likey likey

You Are a Witch (or Warlock)

You are deviously brilliant and a perfect manipulator. You somehow always end up getting what you want - without anyone knowing you're working behind the scenes. Crafty and cunning, you can work your way out of any jam. And it's easy for you to get people to do what you want, whether you're working for good or evil. Your greatest power: Mind control Your greatest weakness: Making people your puppets You play well with: Ghosts

What Kind of Monster Are You?

not too surprising...

Your Brain is Purple

Of all the brain types, yours is the most idealistic. You tend to think wild, amazing thoughts. Your dreams and fantasies are intense. Your thoughts are creative, inventive, and without boundaries. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking of fictional people and places - or a very different life for yourself.

What Color Is Your Brain?

it takes more than just holding one

It seems like a lot of companies out there are giving these supposedly green bags away. Literally, they are meant for us to use less plastic bags. That said, everytime I go to the market I still see people having a lot of plastic bags in their green bags. The green bag has been compromised! It's not supposed to be an extra big bag to accomodate more plastic bags.

I definitely think it takes more than just giving out green bags - which is merely another promotional means quite frankly - to help reduce the use of plastic bags. I remember hearing Safeway was phasing out the use of plastic bags but I don't think it's happened yet. Even the Australian government said something like that before - about total discontinuation of plastic bag use.

I don't think we need to start that big - everyone could do their parts. Why do we need to use a blue plastic bag for 4 apples, then another green one for a piece of fish, a pink one for some vege? I do just chuck everything in the green bag. And then you put all those plastic bags in your green bag. What purpose does it serve? When I am given a plastic bag at the market, I shamelessly give it back to the seller.

Tackling green house gases or climate change doesn't have to start big and bold when everyone can play their part. Just by saying NO to plastic bags.

Finally!

Brace yourself and fasten your seatbelt. And let the race begin! Today's poll (some poll!) showed the widening gap between the preference for the Labour or Liberal party, 59% vs. 41%.

I'm sure Australian will be disgusted by the mentioning of the names of Kevin Rudd and John Howard in the next 6 to 8 weeks. Not to mention their right and left hands - Kevin Andrews, Julia Gillard, Wayne Swan, Tony Abbott etc. I'm interested in one other name - Maxine McKew. She might just have enough votes to overthrow John Howard's seat in Bennelong (wherever that is).

Politics... It's like another f word that should be disgusted. And politicians would be the f word plus er. One liar replaced by another? Democrazy is what it is.

how long...

I'm the sort of person that is anal about checking my email. Is this a way of me screaming for attention? I gotta remind myself - email isn't love (aka food isn't love).

I think the longest I have gone without checking my email is probably one to two weeks. Am I gonna looking for a cyber cafe when I am travelling in, say, India? No, perhaps India is too high-tech to allow me ample access. And India is not one of my must-visit countries. How about Morocco? Sounds perfectly foreign and nothing like I've ever been before. How long do you think I'll last without going crazy for not getting access to the internet?

If internet coverage is available on some islands, would you bring together with you your laptop on your holiday? And how long do you think you'll last without internet?

梅迎冬，我却何去何从

From the other end of the phone there came a familiar and well-missed voice. When my parents told me to enjoy and appreciate the time I had while I was still a student, I didn't quite believe them. But I do now - you'll learn to treasure things or people when you have lost them, the sour grapes are always perceived to be better.

I'm now questioning my decision that I made at the end of 2005. My decision to reside in a still-foreign land. A land that most of my close friends have fled from. Does my resolution of waiting half a year still stand? Will I make up more excuses to stay?

Like she said, it's hard when you can't just pick up the phone or to meet those you think who know you, whenever you need them. Things are OK most of the times, at least on the surface. But sometimes it just gets to you. Like a hidden thorn. I try to stay strong but I can't really bank on keeping cool will not make me stone cold.

山从水复疑无路，柳暗花明又一村?
心焦意摇志消沉，望穿秋水何时了。

just suddenly

am in a mess of papers, scissors, card boards, ribbons, wrappers and more papers... And the sun is blazing its alpha & beta rays from millions of kilometers away - sending warmth everywhere. Yes it's getting warmer now. Summa is coming!

But I don't want summer to come. Suddenly I am missing winter. Would it be great if it was winter everyday? Perhaps there would be less skin cancer patients?

I want winter - despite heavy and cumbersome winter clothing, I can hide everything underneath them. I can eat like no tomorrow when excuse myself with I need the fat for the cold. I can also escape gym with I'll go when summer is closer.

Summer is coming and I need to get my lazy bum into shape! Perhaps the treadmill is already snearing at me. Summer is coming and I need to get my skinny arms into bulkier trunks! Summer is coming and I need to flatten my tummy! Summer is coming and I need to get some new sunscreen from Shiseido!

Perhaps I need to find a second home in Europe or Canada when it's getting colder now.

Dreamlover come rescue me!!

OMG - I told one of my best frens about the dreams that I had been having. While I thought of nothing more serious than they were just my dreams - he identified the themes in my dreams, which were school and high school.

What he did was looking up some dream interpretations and the following was sent to me. I feel that they are quite accurate given the current drwnd wrld situation that I'm in.

Dream Dictionary
School
To dream that you are in school, signifies feelings of inadequacy and childhood insecurities that have never been resolved. It may relate to anxieties about performance and abilities. You may also be going through a "spiritual learning" experience. If you are still in school and dream about school, then it will naturally serve as a backdrop to your dream world. Alternatively, a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life.

High School
To dream about high school, refers to the bounds and friendships that you made while you were in high school. What spiritual lessons have you learned? The dream may also be telling you that you need to start preparing for the real world. To dream that you have to repeat high school, suggests that you are doubting your accomplishments and the goals that you have already completed. You feel that you may not be measuring up to the expectation of others. The dream may occur because some recent situation may have awakened old anxieties and insecurities.

Drwnd Wrld

I hv bn qt nctv ltly - n mny wys. Lst, cnfsd, wrrd, bl whl pttng n n K fc. I m ll ths thngs. N tp f tht, my fnncl rsrcs hv bn dply dpltd s mch s tht I jst tld Chryl tht my bnk ccnt blnc ws 0. ZR!!


Smtms whn I fl lk ll hp s lst, I bcm qt n scpst. I wnt t brd th nxt MH149/129 bck t Mlys. Wtht PR chncs f gttng a jb hv bcm vn slmmr. I gt n ntrvw in bldy Bllrt with NB. Tht's rlly fckng fr. I trnd t dwn vntlly. I wldn't gt t nywy wtht PR nd I wldn't wnt t mv t Bllrt. Wht dd I jst d - trnng dwn smthng tht mght b th bggst chnc f my lf? nd gt blcklstd by NB? Bt I jst flt mch lghtr whn I dcdd to wthdrw my applctn.


nthr thng tht hs md m ngry ws tht th lndlrd hs ncrsd r rntl gn. t s lrdy th thrd tm n a yr nd ths tm h bldy ncrsd t by $50 a wk! I knw tht th rntl mrkt s tght bt $50 nd s frqntly? t dds nthr dmnsn f ncrtnty t my lf. t ls pt a thnkng cp n my hd tht t smd ncssry t rn s mch $$$ s sn s pssbl s tht I cld lv ndr my wn rf.


S fr, lf hs md m rls 2 thngs: w rly t mch n cnvnc nd th scfc my prnts & fmly hv md t llw m t cm s fr. Snc I hv t mch tm n hnd, I thnk bt lf vry mrnng - jst tk wshng my fc wth wrm wtr by jst trnng n th wtr tp, hw cld ppl frm th 40s d s? Ppl frm th 1900s stll prbbly hd to d thr nmbr 2 by a rvr - whn w nw jst flsh. nd thn trnng n th stv t ck - ppl frm th pst hd t cllct fr wd, rb tw pcs f rcks t crt sprks bt nw w hv gs spply jst s sly. n wntr, w'd jst trn n a htr whrs th cv ppl shvrd nd trmbld n frzng tmprtr. I rlly wnt t try t cnsrv nd prsrv bcs I dn't rlly thnk I'm wrth ll ths lxrs tkn frm th rth fr grntd.

I thnk I nd t stp ths pst bfr I g crzy wth th omssn f ll vwls. Lt m knw f y hv rd vrythng p t ths pnt nd ndrstd vrythng I'v sd - y dsrv a cmplmnt tht "Y rlly cr bt m nd y hv t mch tm!!!"

Stop Multiplying?

I wonder, if the solution to all the problems we have on earth lies in what people do in the bedroom and/or fertility centres?

First and foremost, fuel consumption. From dating to wooing to wedding (or rather it happens by deliberate accidents), how many energy has been put into it - transport, food, clothes, wedding ceremony (or just you know, hotel?) etc etc. And extravagant extra luxurious people have to import or export stuff or people to celebrate with them... All the black black oil is transformed into something called memories - which, can't feed the next generations.

If I were to believe in signs, like some churches blaming the homosexuals of New Orleans landed the place with Katrina, I'd say Tsunami happened because the earth was lack of lubricants - due to all petroleum being sucked up by human! Of course more earthquakes are bound to happen!

Secondly, CO2 emission. With the world pushing prices up by carbon trading, wouldn't it easier if we just produce less human? As I have many times pointed out that human is cancerous to the earth, from fuel consumption above, from the point where a sperm penetrates an egg, how much CO2 is being emitted into the atmosphere due to our actions? Going for check-ups at the clinics, baby clothing, baby rooms and millions of other baby, somewhat unnecessary, gadgets. The productions and transportation of these items - are the burning torches responsible for melting poles.

Look at India & China where the population explodes like an atomic bomb. The whole world is screaming for energy sources. Wind lar, sun lar, geothermal lar, biomass lar, even nuclear. But why aren't we stopping the source of all problem - OURSELVES? Instead, we have been digging out more petroleum and producing more CO2 along the way just to find alternative energy source, or so they claim.

When it's all so glorious about wind energy or nuclear energy to generate electricity, does anyone actually think about whether it is possible to carry a nuclear reactor in a CAR or BBQ with some bio-waste? And until that actually happens, how many more million human will be borned to consume how many more trillion barrels of petroleum and produce how many more zillion tonnes of CO2?

Is this one of the side effects of demoCRAZY, where majority agrees that we can breed without feeling responsible for the earth mother? Is it sensible to suggest human trading than carbon trading? Is it even humane to suggest that we should limit birth? Is it a bad instinct for species survival to think what I think? Like Agent Smith, I think our out-of-control multiplicability is definitely crashing our Matrix.

On

.. my face there's a pimple ready to ripen and become juicy. I thought I was done with pimples - I'm a man of a certain age, you know, pimples should stay away from me! Furthermore I also shiseido my face twice a day, scrubbed once or twice a week. They only grow on a certain area of my face, which is the lower right part, near the jaw line. Really felt like popping it. It'd be some kinda of a relief, after a sharp pain followed by a tear or two.

.. my desk there's Tony Parsons' The Family Way, Anita Nair's Mistress and Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner. Since I'm only part-timely employed with lotsa of spare time at night, I guess a little reading wouldn't hurt? I wonder how long has it been since I last enjoyed reading... Discounting Harry Potter. I have not touched too many books other than celebrity news (actually I don't read but just skim the pictures), academic must-read, online news and blogs. Since when I joined the Malaysian club where the average Malaysian only read no more than a few books a year! I have become one that refuses to read and think??!? I just want something easy for the eyes and I'm sure to become mentally retarded and illiterate soon!

.. my bed my quilt is still unmade. Some people don't make their beds. For example my youngest brother. We have to remind him almost every other day. We used to yell at him but that hadn't worked out too well I'm afraid. He does it better now, with occassional slips of course. Sometimes I hope that he would be different to other youngest siblings. However, he can't help being rude, demanding, inconsiderate, lazy, irresponsible and having a foul mouth! And somehow it's always the Mom that has to take the hit. Whenever I'm back home, his rough edges are tamed a little. I wonder if I should shoulder such responsibility. I'm not blaming my parents but I think they are a couple of tired parents. So tired that they now lack the superiority we used to fear, especially Mom's. It's strange to see that it's their edges have gone blunt, if I may say so. Now back to my bed. I think my bed is really out of order... I won't be too surprised if there's one night where the whole thing collapses. The saying is really now, good night, sleep tight, and don't let your bed collide?

.. the balcony of my apartment, now this is amusing, there are a couple of branches of a certain plant, rotting away. I so want to pick them up and go from apartment to apartment above mine, to find out who has lost some limbs, to a plant. I can't blame the weather if it was the wind that broke the branches. But I would be furious if some idiot cut those branches and just d-r-o-p-p-e-d them. I think sis was nearly hit by an empty beer bottle when she was out on the balcony. Often, our balcony also acts as a fail-safe due to its width. Whenever people above me washes their balconies, which they are not allowed to do, my balcony catches all the water. Soapy, dirtful water. I remember those branches being fresh, as they just appeared out of nowhere when I peered over the balcony one morning. Now, they have turned brown and wrinkly. Haha, I should actually put them in a vase and it'd serve as a decorative piece in the office of the corporate body.

.. my never accomplished to-do list, the number 1 task is to haul my ass to the gym and get fit. I don't want die of a heart attack or on a theatre table. You know ar, xxxx has just done a heart bypass surgery. So young lar you see.... Mom's kind words are ringing again.

.. my chair, I'm sitting quite uncomfortably. Not because of the chair, but I think I have got to sit on something else now. And you say that I don't share enough?