Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I am in a very dark place today

Almond set me off this morning. Felt good whilst punishing her this morning. I had hated that dog for a long long time. Though I was left feeling something was still quite wrong.

Then I lost my temper again with Mom in the afternoon when teaching her Excel. I easily blew my temper. I just couldn't find an extra ounce of patience in me. I think Mom was very upset by my attitude she voice quivered. I dared not look at her and forced myself not to feel guilty. Mom must have been broken hearted that her son was so rude to her.

Then at home I lashed out at my brother again. I hit him with a shirt when I was folding laundry. He cried. My heart broke very quickly yet there's a part of me that disallowed me to show my emotions.

I am very unhappy. I don't know what else I will do or not do. Killing Almond is definitely one of the things top of my list.

How do I fix myself? I need to make things work. I need to.


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