Saturday, March 28, 2009

Hardest Task

Climbing the Everest? Giving up a kidney for your mother (the daughter of a friend of my Dad did this)? Or simply resisting temptation of a chocolate-glazed donut?

Have you ever considered forgiving yourself? For whatever experience that you might have suffered from, or inflicted upon others, or being inflicted on by others.

At times, the reason we can’t let go of something is because we haven’t forgiven ourselves. We can forgive others easily. Being self critical is one thing; being ignorant to the truth is another.

I was watching Oprah the other day. A female deputy sheriff was being raped by her husband. And an ex-beauty queen also being raped by her husband. I found from the interviews that we never/seldom admit to ourselves, not even to people whom we’re very close to, that we have done something stupid. It’s so shameful and hard to admit that we indeed have made a wrong decision and are now afraid to stand up to admit it, let alone if it has the opportunity to drive our lives to misery.

Elton John also says “Sorry” is the hardest word and Chicago agrees that it’s hard to say one’s sorry – Sorry to oneself is even harder than apologizing to others. We can’t forgive ourselves for making a mistake, a mistake which in our own hindsight is so not worth making. And ever since, we hope to eradicate any consequence or even go as far as reversing the situation – all but futile.

Yes we know where we have fallen and we’ve learned our mistaken but our memory is forever imprinted with the mistake and the shame that comes with it. It is so critical to tell ourselves to give up hope of changing the course of history. Whatever you do now, to yourself, is basically self-punishment. But what’s the point of beating oneself when the outcome is invariable.

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