Obsession

When does it start and when does it fade? Is an obsession replaceable only by another?

It is such a love-hate relationship with obsession (or addiction to that matter). You want to quit on one hand yet the other wants to keep on going. You know you are getting nothing of out it yet you secretly yearn for the impossible to happen.

Oprah once defined giving up to be where there was no longer any hope to change. When will taking action towards achieving the goal become annoying and in turn reduce the rate of success? There is no answer to this question. One can only try and hope (what a useless word?).

I didn't like MC's Obsessed until now.

Dedicated to my lover269...

Freeganism

I was a little bit shocked to find that there's such a thing called Freegan (from free and vegan) Freeganism is an anti-consumerist lifestyle whereby people employ alternative living strategies based on "limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of resources".

The world's most material girl, Madonna, has done quite so well in bringing us just that much closer to materialism. I am one hell of a big sinner too. Things things things. Separation does make the heart grow fonder! The longer I can't be with another thing, my heart just longs for it so bad. But as soon as a desire is satisfied, another one pops up just like pimples on a teenager's face.

On the Big O today, this woman, who was previously earning a 6-figure salary, gave up that life and started picking up food from dumpster. She even organised trash trips for people of the same interest. Such trips are not fancy trips with fancy drink but trips where you get closer to a possum or rodent, skill-wise speaking. What striked me the most, was that our society wastes so much. American, being 5% of the world population, consume 30% of the world's resources. Madeline and her troop could find buckets of food, loaves of bread, fresh fruits, muffins, cereal, salad and canned food from just a handful of dumpsters, mostly all from grocery stores.

Have you not picked an apple and seen a small dent on it and not purchased it eventually? I have. These perfectly fine fruit are thrown away, they are not even given to the poor or homeless (due to some restrictions). And how much food have I wasted? If I remember correctly, $30 BILLION of food is wasted annually in the US. Now wouldn't it timely if the CEOs of failed companies started embracing freegan lifestyle?

Consumerism, I think, is a more serious problem than drug or alcohol addiction. It is a problem that is so serious but it lives under our skin so comfortably that we don't even realise it. I am sure there are lots of things that I don't need in my life. Looking at the bigger picture, we are digging our own graves and hauling our asses into them too. One the one hand, we scream to preserve the nature; on the other, the economy would stop now that it has become so reliable on consumerism, if people don't buy new clothes for 3 years, like Madeline.

One very good example, products from Apple - all the pods. Even better example, cell phones. I have always wondered, how the heck are we going to save electricity if everyone has a cell phone now? Or iPod, or just any electronic gadgets that are bombarding the market daily. Or TV, it used to be that one family had one, but now every room in a family has one too. There's only so much switching off all electronic devices can do in terms of saving electricity. There are 2 fridges in my apartment.

Back to myself, living as a freegan is probably my ideal. But can I do it? If so, when will I truly give up all things material in the world?

turning point

Scared is an understatement.

Hopeless is a possibility-cum-reality.

Hope is a luxury stretched so thin.

无心插柳

懵嚓嚓下，我就可能要飞回去。怎么办呢？心好乱哦。有人要我回去，我自己想留，但是梦到头来会不会是一场空呢？

留下来吗？肚子怎么填呢？

回去吗？梦呢？

就在梦与面包之间，脑子再也转不来了。

life path number

Your Life Path Number is 1

Your purpose in life is to lead others. You have great drive and determination. Nothing is going to stand in your way. You seek out challenges and the spotlight. You'll take all the work - and all the glory. Status and success are important to you. You demand the best from everyone and everything. In love, you tend to take a protective role. You enjoy being the provider in relationships. You expect others to be like you, and as a result, you are often disappointed. A little selfish and vain, you always put yourself first. Remember, everyone already knows you're great - you don't need to remind them!

What Is Your Life Path Number?

I hate to say it but I'm afraid it's quite true.

在空中巨無霸起飛後

倫敦政經學院的科學家曾預測，在10萬年內，貧富差距可能使人類演化為兩種次種，即英俊而聰明的高雅人和醜陋而愚笨的野蠻人。高雅人處于社會的頂層，由少數擁有特權、受過高等教育而且健康的富人進化而來。他們外貌又高又瘦、體形勻稱，聰明且富有創造力，可維持120歲的平均壽命。而野蠻人處社會的底層，由一無所有的窮人進化而來。他們不僅身材矮小肥胖、智力低下，壽命也大大縮短。

全文

Hmmmm... it ain't that bad afterall?

Let's see if I can find a title to this post at the end of writing it. Just feel like I need to write something now.

So I was arriving back in the city after work at about 2.30pm. Decided not to go home so I went for a walk at the bank of Yarra river holding a cone of New Zealand ice-cream. It was such a nice day with the sun coming in and out of the clouds. It was still winter but I thought I could smell the springy-ness in the air. Bracing myself in the still-chilly wind I strutted along the river bank, watching the world went by.

And then I found myself sitting down at Taxi, sipping a lemon-lime bitter. I had not done so for quite some time - enjoying the sun and wind. I think from the look of the picture, I was looking contended with myself, despite other parts of my life were still trying to catch up.

Funny thing is I never allow myself to be happy for too long. The bathroom scale showed that I had gained 1-2kg last night. But I dismissed it as I found out that the scale had an error. After correcting it tonight I knew I couldn't hide it anymore. Two weeks of hay fever have done too much damage to my was-going-to-be-flatter-I-swear tummy. I know I can pull myself back, (",) - not gonna be one that let myself go when confronted with less-than-ideal situation.

Life is still good - and since I'm here now I want to start something that I have been wanting to do for so long. A gratitude diary - I first saw it on Oprah. So there you go. I wanna thank myself (LOL first entry in the gratitude diary I wanna thank myself?!) for not giving up on myself. Maybe sometimes I don't feel like I am good enough or just too up-myself some other times, I know I will always improve. Secondly I wanna thank my parents genes for being OK when they passed it down to me. I appreciate the way I am - when I look around and find people who are less fortunate physically than I am.

That's all for now. Another beautiful day awaits!

Soul-ed Out

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are quite expressive and thoughtful. You see the world in a way that others are blind to. You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it. You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself. Your near future is calm, relaxing, and pretty much what you want. And it's something you've been anticipating for a while now. For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Inside the Room of Your Soul

Glad that it's over

After quite an uneventful week, my weekend spiced up eventually. I had seen on TV the ad by gl0baLRags - it's supposed to be a sale of branded stuff at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre. So I finished one of my job applications after work on Fri, which was about 4 already and trammed to MEC. Initially I even suspected that I went to the wrong place! Having not known that there were actually 10 showrooms at the MEC, I followed a girl who seemed to be shoppalicious. We walked past each room and my legs were getting a bit sore.

I think the building itself was at least 500m in length and we were talking towards the end of the building. And then the call came in - a call from NSW, by the look of it. Gosh it's a recruitment agency and I was shortlisted for the assessment day on Monday. Great! But the bad thing was that I was about to go shopping and I had to do this phone interview right there and then! But phewh, I managed to scraped through. (Just in case if someone would ask - I wasn't shopping for myself that day. I had spent enough money already)

Even though the role was not what I wanted but I was still stressed out over the weekend. The more I researched and prepared the less confident I felt. There was no way I would be doing B2B sales. Not at this stage.

However the intensity of the upcoming assessment day (yes, that's what it is called - the recruitment agency would assess if I was fit for their further recommendation to potential employers) was lightened up by the graduation ceremony of a fellow ex-housemate (sounds a bit like BB doesn't it? Fellow ex-housemate). So Sat morning was filled with lotsa of frenzied posing, directing and photo shoot.

Afternoon - stressing out with the interview again...

We went to Old Kingdom for dinna at night. It'd been a while since I last went there with my family. It was the first time that I was eating at a big table with other 11 people. Normally we would just get a small table. That was a first. Another first was of course the infamous caption was no longer waiting on us. The ducks were being cut by another young fella. However, we did get to see him when we were about to leave. He was really kind and understanding to bring us a couple of boxes as JK & PJ were taking away some duck bones. I remember I asked for bones of 10 ducks once before. And man, did I not enjoy the duck porridge and fried noodles with duck meat after that!

After dinna we went on Collins St as planned to hit one of the bars - The Long Room. It was damn nice to finally get out and about again in the night scene. I had not done that for a long times since my (drinking) buddies were all gone from Melb, leaving me with those who don't drink! Dressed to the sharpest (that's me, hello), we strutted along Collins St with me trying to remember where it was. Even though it was just 5 past 10, the place was already overcrowded with patrons.

We walked around trying to find seat but not to avail. But guess what - it was so damn nice to finally get to enjoy a smoke-free environment. The legislation came into effect since July 1st I think. It's so good now that I don't have to drown in second-hand smoke and my clothes will not be stinking when I leave the place.

Ordering drinks were a bit of a hassle. I ordered my cocktail from a new bartender - and effectively that dragged the gang down with me as well. Everyone was waiting long long for his/her drink. And according to sis the new bartender had to flip a How to make a cocktail - guide to a first-timer (OK - I added the title) and he probably burned with hand. It was a fun night when we're playing cards and talking nonsense. Someone still hadn't changed a bit when given alcoholic drinks.

Didn't stay out for too long as I didn't want to get a hangover and delay my prep for the assessment day. We went to Hungry Jack for supper (NOT ME) as we un-ashamedly asked for the 2-for-1 burger deal. Everyone seemed happy with that. Try that when you go to any Hungry Jack in the Melbourne CBD - it's worked so far. Just say the words just say the words - I wanna get the 2-for-1 xxx burger.

And then Sunday came - creeping on me that the assessment wasn't too far along. I basically studied for an hour then relaxed for the next, repeating the cycle for the rest of the day. Eventually I relaxed more than I studied. I got more nervous this morning. I felt like throwing up and throwing the opportunity away.

But I didn't - I went to the assessment anyway knowing that I would probably not get through. It was quite intensive - first thing up was public speaking which put me right into the graveyard. Something that I had known about myself but still not able to improve, much. It was good, nerve-wrecking fun anyway. I learned heaps. If anything, it's quite a reputable recruitment agency that originated from the UK. Group assessments were tricky though - I really didn't know how to work in a group that consisted of 14 people with 14 different voices all at the same time.

It was bitter sweet that I didn't get through though. Like WW said, it's better to do something that I'd enjoy. I felt the weights off my shoulder now - at least until the next interview comes along.

都走了吗？

应该吧。都已经走得七七八八了。一年比一年少。咖啡嘛，已经很少碰了，少到连瘾也没啦；丰富早餐，已经简化成土司面包美禄了；下午茶、爱我的蛋糕，已经变得很遥远了；就连那若有小成的酒量，已经随风蒸发得淡了；逛街的伴儿、无聊透顶的闲聊、背后说人家的三八、评头论足、什么什么到哪儿去旅行、庆祝生日的……通通都告一个段落了。

也可能是树倒猢狲散，剩下的小猫两三只，却也成不了气候。倒下的枯树值得留恋吗？倒下的树已经不能够挡风遮雨或者抵抗炎炎艳阳。

正所谓，桃花依旧，人事已非。想不到小时候学的谚语竟然会派上用场，而且还那么一针见血。我也不学要再掉什么筵席之类的书包，总之使哑子吃黄连，有苦自己知。看到人家三五成群，你们却在水一方；成双成对的，我也不可能那么不醒目的当电灯泡；本来已经藕断丝连的，经过日晒雨淋风摧风霜也断得彻底了。

哀莫大于心死。要换一换画了吗？温室里的花，还是想念温室吗？

Haha, I like what it says about me

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are very independent and self-centered. You don't solve other people's problems - and you don't expect them to solve yours. You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style. You have the perfect blend of confidence and class. You're proud of who you are - but you don't broadcast it. In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

What do you think?

我属水

Your Power Element is Water

Your power colors: blue and aqua Your energy: deep Your season: winter Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion. You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul. A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem. You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream.

What's Your Power Element?

Alfred is not happy

I had been so excited about tonight's business-class flight back to KL up to the custom check point at Melbourne Airport. My 2 bottle of Shiseido cleansing foam and scrub were confiscated due to them being more than 125ml!!!

The good side is that luckily the rest of them were safe. I got weak knees (not the good kind) after the whole Oh-my-shiseido-are-expensive-stuff and I-don't-give-a-damn dramas. I should not have been ignorant just because they were cosmestics.

Like my grandma used to tell my dad - when you fall down, grab a handful of sand when you get back up. So I gathered the following rules with regards to liquid & gel on board:
1. Each container must be less than 100ml. Anything bigger will not b allowed.
2. The custom officer will put all the less-than-100ml containers in a zip-lock bag (probably about 10cm x 8cm)
3. For those that are less than 100ml but can't fit into the one bag - SORRY.
P/S: medication may be allowed.

I really should feed those terrorist with my Shiseido cleansing foam so that they know the taste.

Mercury? Am I?

You Are From Mercury

You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows. You probably never leave home without your cell phone! You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you. You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer. Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.

What Planet Are You From?

If I aint got U

I saw this lady yesterday while crossing the street to catch a tram going back home. A familiar face. A face I hadn't forgotten. A brave face. She was blind. I was on the same tram when I first saw her last year. I gave her my seat. And I remember I felt very happy doing so.

She is a blind person. But she can still see. She still walks the walk we walk everyday. She trams, she crosses the road without help, she does it (I assume) every day, just like the next person. She holds out her cane and welcomes every challenge in her way.

I spotted her as we were going in the opposite direction - we were going into the tram each of us had just got off. And we were waiting for the traffic light to turn. As I walked to my tram stop, my sight never left her. I even stopped, in case she tripped and no one stopped. I felt like screaming for people to stop for her. I felt like I needed to help her somehow.

But she needed none of those. She didn't need the world to stop for her as she was able. She followed the trail and stopped right in front of the tram. She got on the tram just fine. And she always got this calm smile on her face. Such bravery. I think I'm welling up.

I burned my palm today. Was too careless. Had a wok and a frying pan on the stove. I placed the handle of the pan near the wok, which blocked me from seeing the handle. So after I stir-fried some vege and wanted to shift the pan, I had forgotten than the handle was also "fried" somehow! And my left palm got a 20-sen coin burn mark. Luckily sis had brought some burn medicine from home and I applied it immediately to sooth the pain.

It got me thinking while taking my shower - after much contemplation. And in the shower I tried not to use my left hand at all. Again I got struck by the possibility of me having no left hand or hands. I wouldn't be able to even soap my armpits! See, if you haven't got your left, what are you going to use to clean your right armpit? And say you don't have your left palm, how will you clean your right hand?

I'm so happy that I can still appreciate what I've got. There are people who are so much less, physically, than I am. Yet they still manage, somewhat better I dare say, than I do.

I'll think before I complain next time.

my confesSin

OMG I lurrrrrve the hair!! Should I print this pic and bring it to Yudai?

About time

While having my haircut with my (favourite) hairdresser, Yudai, today - suddenly I thought that it was time for me to abuse my birthday.

In the past few years I used my birthday as an excuse to buy myself something. Sometimes, others, to buy me something. I think back in 2003 I bought my first pair of expensive & branded sunnies from Oakley. And in 2004, did I buy 2 pairs of shoes back-to-back which came to AUD450++? And those I extorted my parents' credit card, if you must know.

So what did I do in 2005? Oh yea extorsion again - this time my target got definitely bewildered. I got myself a new Toshiba laptop, which is now deteriorating in form & shape (Dad & Mum simultaneously: access denied; which is why they haven't sent my a new credit card yet, as the day draws closer).

Just last year as I was starting to make some money working part-time, I decided to pamper myself with goodies again! So there so a few hundred bucks to a new pair of Morrissey sunnies and some nice aussieBum undies! I paid for them using the then unearned salary.

All of the above - were all done a couple of months before my real birthday. I'm not surprised that it has become a trend for me. As you know it's April 2 today and the mind starts thinking ahead, from which nothing good can come about.

You know - there's always a nice new cardigan from Calibre which I have had my eyes on since last year; and then there's a new pair of track pants from my beloved aB and a few newly designed undies - my dear ex housemates surely knew how much I loved my undies; what else? I could always appreciate a MX5, in fact any Mazda will do thank you very much; a new jacket from Calibre wouldn't hurt right? In fact it'd keep me so w-a-r-m in winter. In addition, a scarf is inevitable for the coming winter ey? That pink Paul Smith scarf is screaming furiously at me that it would rather sit around my neck than on the shelf.

But I'm going to be a good boy (so not true!) that I'll adhere to my budget religiously and only give in to those desires until the return of the tax-returns. Or I can always think of just another excuse to find myself coming out of the stores with a bag or two. How about doing that after my CT8 exam? What a great way to spend my Friday afternoon yea?

At the end of the day, I'm afraid I'll shove my own words up my @r$e so fast, that I won't even feel sorry for. I'm a slave for myself!

my B-day

Unfortunately Dad & Mom don't do internet.

It's hard to say

I was torn apart tonight. Mom mentioned something that I had been dreading to hear. A confession which I would rather be lied to, at her cost.

Tonight, I chose to sleep on it.

Tomorrow night, I will think about how would the situations be on both sides of the scales, again.

And I feel that the same answer will tear her apart, again.

妈咪说：马路如虎口

Mom says: the road is akin to the mouth of a tiger.

The accident was almost reliving scenes from Independence Day and Speed 1.