a cuppa tea & a panda-to-be

Burning the mid-night light bulb now (come one - old saying needs to be updated also right?)... Essay due tomorrow. I am very cin-cai now... Hope to finish it tonight, no matter how long it takes I am gonna finish it and that'll be it!!!

I dunno since when my standard dropped so much... You might wonder too... Last-minute work seldom appears in my dictionary. But I guess I agree more with adaptation and do best with what you are given.

Part of my mind and concentration do wander across the Pacific and the South China Sea. Parents have been having disagreements and denial about my youngest brother. Youngest and at such I-don't-care-what-the-fuck-you-say age. Plus most, if not all his friends, are of the same background. Parents live a busy life + youngest + no one else to interact with but the computer. What a price to pay huh? Something which someone still denying, but maybe he has his reason I don't know.

I am just blaming myself now. What could I have done? I am just torn seeing Mom in such a difficult position. It saddens me so much so that I am fighting against my tears from welling up in my eyes. And my cousin, akin to sister, the rude behaviour from my bro that had unmistakenly broke her heart. If I were at home maybe these things wouldn't happen. 远水不能救近火。

I am not wishing anything bad for my bro... Maybe it'd be better if he wasn't borned. A child shouldn't be brought to the world when the parents would not be able to bring up the child properly and give him/her everything s/he would need. It's not just unfair to the child but the problem and heartache that could do damage to the family as a whole.

And I really think, everyone should PASS a parenting course before s/he has a child to bring up. Not just to manage the child but also the parent's own emotional and psychological needs.

*Hugs go to Ma*